Photo Credit: Els

“Love weaves itself from hundreds of threads.” – David Levithan

Falling in love, being in love, staying in love… the wondrous state of loving someone and being loved in return. This experience is one of the greatest desires for most humans…the exhilaration, good feelings, and ecstatic joys that come with love. Yet, how do you bring this romantic love into your life with another person at the exact moment in time and then keep it alive? In other words, how do you get love, sustain love and evolve love?

Finding a person to love who also loves you back is not an easy task. As a Life Coach, I have had the privilege of witnessing many people’s journeys to love, as well as the disappearance of love. Allowing one’s self to authentically connect; be open and vulnerable with another person while maintaining a strong sense of self can be scary. It takes willingness, clarity, courage, faith, discernment and a strong belief that deep love exists no matter your current circumstances. But what happens when it seems love has faded or evaded you all together? What do you do when you so desperately want the euphoric feeling of being in love but it just hasn’t stayed or even found you yet?

I spent the decade of my 40’s asking myself those exact questions, from both personal and professional perspectives, and I have created some strong opinions about the subject of romantic love. It is essential to believe in love, make the right choices and be really ready for the responsibility of a relationship. But more importantly, I believe attaining amorous love begins with you. You MUST love YOU first. Whether you are in a relationship, getting out of one, or desiring a new one, the first step is looking within and truly loving what you see and then sharing that beauty with another.

Source love from within and then give it away freely. Don’t get your deep happiness solely from another person and expect that person to fill in the pieces of yourself that feel incomplete. Love yourself as much as possible so you bring your best and most authentic you to another. After all, how can you expect someone to love you if you do not love, honor and respect yourself? Here are some suggestions for falling in love with yourself first…

Fall in Love with Yourself. Here’s how…

1. Be true to yourself. Live your values and embrace your awesomeness. Don’t betray self because if you are not truthful with yourself, you are only pretending with others and are out of integrity in those relationships.
2. Become REALLY interesting. Take up something new, a fun hobby, a dream career. Would you enjoy your company?
3. Get inspired. Learn, grow, and pursue the things you are excited about now. If you are adventurous, fill your life with adventures now. If you appreciate intellectual pursuits, join a book club or take a class. If you love the arts, seek out a film festival, special art exhibit or play. Make plans and don’t wait for someday or someone.
4. Live a romantic life. Add magic and sparkle… light candles, take bubble baths, eat chocolate, drink champagne, indulge in love stories. Create rituals for yourself (reading poetry, dancing, listening to music, journaling, praying, meditating.)
5. Feel good and look good. Exude vitality. Take EXTREMELY good care of yourself. Let your inner beauty be reflected in your outward appearance. Refine your clothes, jewels, hair, and make-up. Live healthy and achieve your personal best body for you.
6. Nurture your relationships. Spend time with people you want to be with, not people you have to… and really get to know them deeply. Look for your partner’s soul through his/her eyes.
7. Review your standards of integrity and don’t go against yourself. Know these, live these. For instance, one of mine was “Love him as he is or don’t.”
8. Follow your heart. Get out of your head, pay attention to your body. Let your head inform you, trust your intuition and listen to your heart… tap into the 5 senses of smell, taste, sight, hearing and feeling
9. Heal first. Mend a broken heart so that you do not take baggage into your relationship. Clear out the clutter in your life so that new can come in. Deal with any past issues, let go of old loves, failed relationships, disappointments or unmet expectations.
10. Re-ignite your personal passion. Discover what makes you come ALIVE and do that as much as possible. Dance, create, stargaze, exercise. Make love often.
11. Love others compassionately. Get outside of yourself… give to others, make a positive impact of someone else… don’t have tunnel vision for only this part of your life.
12. Connect to the Divine and have faith. Believe in love and trust that it will find you. Tap into your spiritual sources. Understand the higher purpose of a relationship.
13. Be intentional and know what you really want. Be clear about goals, dreams, desires and expectations. Have a BIG love. Do you want a soul mate? Companion? Caretaker?
14. Date yourself. Take yourself out on dates and fall in love with the unique you. Make time for yourself and others.

As writer Mark Twain wrote, “Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.” Fill up you life with love for yourself and others and let it flow everywhere.

Coaching Questions to Expand Self-Love:

1. What is it to be generous with yourself? What are the ways in which you boldly take care of you? Notice what is fulfilling and pleasurable.

2. Create your own…

• Standards of Integrity-What’s important to you and your values?
• Rules of Engagement- How you are showing up, reflecting you, being in integrity and using discernment?

3. What activities energize or intoxicate you, get your heart beating faster, take your breath away and make you come alive? Create a list of passions.

4. Do something passionate EVERY DAY that moves you towards more love. Exude love everywhere.

Meet Jennifer: Life Coach, Inspirational Speaker and Author Jennifer M. Blair is founder of Excavive™ Coaching and Consulting, based in Louisville, Kentucky. Her work focuses on empowering people to pursue their passions, increase their self-confidence, communicate powerfully and build the kind of lives they want to live. If you love these Blog posts, many have been adapted from her first book, The True You: Tools to Excavate, Explore and Evolve, published in 2011.

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